I have really ugly feet.

The thing that makes this noteworthy is when I was 5 I decided I would never be a ballerina because I didn’t want ugly feet. Here I am, 17 years later, with ugly feet and no talent to go along with it. 

I just said my first “Good-bye” from leaving London.

It’s funny because it hasn’t really settled in that I’m leaving and not seeing most of these people again that this good bye seemed so surreal, like I know it happened and that I should be sad, but my brain isn’t comprehending that I just said goodbye.

It was to my flatmate and one of my best friends here. I suppose it’s appropriate that she’s the first person I say farewell to, she was the first person I met and friend I made here. She’s going home for a few months and I’m going while she’s gone. In fact, since not seeing each other for a few months is normal we almost forgot to say good bye. For me it feels like I’ll be seeing her again in August when she returns, but I won’t. We hugged multiple times and she’s giving me food in the fridge and said we’ll talk on Skype. The tone was like a normal summer parting, but with talk of Skype and extra hugs; it just felt like “Why are we making a big deal out of this? I’m going to see you in a few months.” But, I’m not. I won’t lie, I had couple tears when it sunk in a second ago, but even then I was like, “Why am I crying?” I’ll miss her a lot, one of the best people in the world I could have befriended.

Tomorrow and Tuesday I’m packing my stuff up, so I can ship it in the next week or two and that way it’ll arrive not too long after me. Though I need to go to the doctor’s office because I’ve completely loss my voice.

Instead of writing how all my plans have gone downhill, that I have less than a month to figure out something new, and everything just seems a little too real than in the past.

Instead of focusing on the aforementioned, I’m going to write about my two dreadlocks. It won’t be too long, just an observation.

I have one the was made all proper by my friend and I have an other that is forming from a braid that was left in my hair (the bottom half is wrapped in thread). I like the second one better. The “proper” dread is nice, but towards my roots it feels like it is barely hanging on, like a few strands are attaching it to my scalp, but they are about to snap at any moment. The other one, that is transforming from a braid, feels nice, like it has a good foundation, it’s nice a secure.

Plus, the first dread feels scratchy, like the rough side of a sponge, where the second (braided) one feels smooth and like a pillow.

I think it is hailing, I’m going to check this out. 

I think that is one of the most overused phrases that theatre people can use, but it usually is true. (Unless you’re an Uni student trying to explain why nothing has been completed.) I digress. I made a mistake, this blog is not about my second attempt to get an MFA in acting- though that will happen and be mentioned.

This is about my journey back to America and finding a new place in this world.

I have been in the UK for five years, I have been here for all of my adult life (thus far- plan to be around for quite a bit longer). And I fell in love with London, for me it has been the perfect blend of NYC and LA, it has hustle but with a relaxed feel. Being an actress NYC and LA our the cities to compare to. But, London feels/is cleaner than the aforementioned cities and San Francisco and San Diego and seems “safer” even in the rough areas (though I’m pretty sure that is just my stupidity). 

Also, the people are friendly- I’m not saying everyone is nor it is experienced everyday, but there is a sense of community in this city. When it snows people will go along smiling and say “hi”. Then, when it’s sunny it’s like people are crawling out from under rocks and are being reborn. *There is nothing like and English summer* - it’s as if everyone is back in the summer of ‘69 and just wanting to enjoy their time. I still don’t understand why English people always seem surprise when the sun appears in the summer, I think it’s ridiculous and hilarious, but I love it and will miss it.

Then as an actress, there is no better place. There is just so many opportunities: workshops, festivals, classes, productions, research and development, showcases, monologueslams, and etc. I didn’t even take advantage of everything, but it takes time to learn about it all and what I have participated in was worthwhile. It’s great to live some place where a profession that isn’t taken seriously by some is not only considered an art, but a treasure.

Now, I know London isn’t perfect, but I found it to be home and I’m going to be leaving it. I have a makeshift plan with a goal that I need to make a goal next year.

It’s horrible, I should have my life together, I had a year and a half out of University to figure this stuff out, but the reality of leaving London has put my life in a new perspective. Getting rejected from a Masters and then having plans to travel pop up in its place as completely thrown my back up plan out the window. Four months ago, I had 4 back up plans of what I’d do in case I didn’t get into a MFA… and now my plan has just sort of been thrown together at 2am on a whim. But, hey, that’s my life. That’s how I ended up in the UK.

So, back to this tumblr and what it will be.

I will reflect back on my MFA process, I’ll go over whatever I said I would in the last entry plus keep up to date when I apply a second time; but it’s not going to be the focus of this tumblr. I will discuss what it’s like going to leaving my lovely expatriate state of being and returning home; but as a stranger. I’m going to my homeland, yet I know nothing of the acting industry there let alone what it’s like to be an adult in that country. The longest I’ve been home in the past 5 years has been 2.5 months and I was living with my parents and went back into High School mode. Also, I’m planning on travelling and it’ll be about that. I might throw in some blogs about good old times here in London (just because I can). 

But, this blog is about my journey back to the US with a focus on the acting industry.

I have just finished the process of preparing, double checking, applying, preparing, auditioning, waiting, and being rejected from my first attempt to get into an MFA acting program.

I would like to claim that this blog is an original idea, but it isn’t. During the second “preparing” I was trying to find out what is appropriate attire for my audition for the program and stumbled upon this blog. Now, I did not and still have not read the whole thing, but I have found somethings helpful. It’s admirable how Virginia Wilcox has opened up and thrown herself into that blog. I’m not one for inspirational quotes nor pink, so that will be a difference between my blog and her’s. Also, sometimes this blog will be daily, but some months it won’t.

Also, I’m not sure if I’ll be as open about my personal information as she is because I fear identity theft, though I have nothing. As I told my friend yesterday: “If someone tried to steal from me they’d probably feel so bad that they just wouldn’t take anything.”

All that aside, here is a quick overview of where I applied and the next couple of posts will be recollecting on the process and once that is finished there will be what is next and then after that it’ll be all in the present (more or less). 

Here are the four schools I applied to:

Yale
University of California- San Diego (UCSD)
New School for Drama
American Conservatory Theater (ACT)

Here are the four schools I did walk-in auditions for:

Columbia University
Stella Adler
New York University (NYU)
University of Southern California (USC) 

With the exception of Stella Adler, which will get back to me in April or May, I have been rejected from all the schools. I know that probably sounds harsh, but it’s true- I’m not discouraged nor embarrassed by it, this isn’t just part of the reality to applying to a Master’s; but to being in the acting industry. I won’t lie, I was slightly disheartened that I didn’t get a callback from any school (especially with New School and UCSD because those auditions went well- full story at an other time); but there was nothing I could do after the fact, so I just had to let go.

Anyways, I’m going to do this whole thing all over again. This time a little wiser, more prepared, and better researched. Though, here is the catch- I might not apply again for 2013-2014 school year, I might wait until the year after. This is because I need to get financially stable- I want to have a job that will be flexible with acting, but also not boring and full of monotony. I want to properly research the schools because I didn’t originally apply to NYU because I thought they didn’t have clowning/circus stuff and in reality they had the most out of the 8 I auditioned for. Also, I want to travel. With those things, I might take a year out of pursuing acting, that doesn’t mean I’ll stop taking part-time classes or workshops, but maybe stop going to so many auditions or only doing projects with friends.

Speaking of still training, I need to contact ACT about their Summer Training Congress.

Until the next time.